Radical Resistance of Tyrannical Isolation

Henri Nouwen, upon returning to the US after a spending a year in France with the L’Arche Community, he writes in his diary on May 13, 1986;

“What most strikes me, being back in the United States, is the full force of the restlessness, the loneliness, and the tension that holds so many people.”

I shared this reflection published in Nouwen’s book, The Road to Daybreak, with clergy colleagues this week. I began by asking them where they were in the Spring of 1986 when this diary entry was written. All quite a bit older than me, some were in seminary, another was preparing for Bar Mitzvah, another had a young baby, one was working in an ER. I…was not yet born, but my mom would have been 6 months pregnant with me.

Nouwen goes on;

“The conversations I had today were about spiritual survival. So many of my friends feel overwhelmed by the many demands made on them, few feel the inner peace and joy they so much desire. To celebrate life together, to be together in community, to simply enjoy the beauty of creation, the love of people and the goodness of God-those seem faraway ideals. There seems to be a mountain of obstacles preventing people from being where their hearts want to be. It is so painful to watch and experience.”

It’s been nearly 40 years since Henri Nouwen wrote these words and there could be no more accurate observation and reflection of our lives today. If anything, “the battle for survival that has become so ‘normal’ few people really believe that it can be different…” has increased tenfold.

He continues;

“I want so much to bring them to new places, show them new perspectives, and point out to them new ways. But in this hectic, pressured, competitive, exhausting context, who can really hear me? I even wonder how long I myself can stay in touch with the voice of the spirit when the demons of this world make so much noise.”

As the Quakers say, brother speaks my mind. The demons are so loud and so close, are any of us really able to stay in touch with the spirit? He offers this advice;

“Oh how important is discipline, community, prayer, silence, caring presence, simple listening, adoration, and deep, lasting faithful friendship. We all want it so much, and still the powers suggesting that all of that is fantasy are enormous. But we have to replace the battle for power with the battle to create space for the spirit."

I’ve been wondering if gathering on Sundays is what our community (both WildWood specifically and the Oly community beyond), really needs. There are so many things that pull us in other directions, so many “mountains of obstacles preventing [us] from being where [our] hearts want to be." What pulls us back together each Sunday for conversation, reflection, art, prayer, community? I shared an Instagram post from Priya Parker with some close friends this week. A while ago we would get together for dinner regularly, 8 adults and 6 kids, I commented that I really want us to get back to doing it no matter what it looks like. The post, which I’ve shared below too, offers “6 ways to rebuild your village in a self-care era" highlights from her conversation with author and psychotherapist Esther Perel.

Invite someone into your home. She says it isn’t about entertaining or being entertained, it’s about “crossing the threshold.” Being. Together. Imperfect, awkward, messy, and real.

Show up. “When we cancel casually (and at the last minute) we tell ourselves it’s self-care. But it’s also a loss of accountability.” And with everything, balance. Know your needs, but don’t use them as an excuse to isolate and sometimes it isn’t just about your self-care, it’s about community-care too.

Being a guest is an action word, it’s participatory. Do not be a passive guest. AND, don’t force your guests to be passive. Invite them into the kitchen, say yes when they offer to help, because it’s not about entertaining.

Just as being a guest is participatory, hosting is a practice not a performance. “If you want a village you have to be a villager.” It’s a collaborative practice of shared work.

From that shared practice of gathering we co-create meaning. Dinner together is more than the food or the place settings. A kid’s playdate is more than the toys or keeping bored kids occupied. The birthday party/baby shower/retirement party aren’t about the presents, age, or years worked. Gathering together is about cultivating meaning, purpose, and belonging. It’s about crossing the threshold, entering into each other’s lives, creating connection and belonging in a world selling us isolation as self-care. “Discipline, community, prayer, silence, caring presence, simple listening, adoration, and deep, lasting faithful friendship,” are not luxury items and they are not fantasy, they are counter-cultural acts of resistance.

Let’s get together at 4 pm on Sunday, December 7 for conversation, reflection, art, prayer, and community, as radical resistance to oppressive systems of power and tyrannical isolation.

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